I’ve been engaged for almost four months now and let me tell you, I’ve learned so much about wedding planning, I could probably write a book! (of course writing for It’s A Bride’s Life is a lot more fun!) One of the most important things I’ve learned is to be very clear up front with your “non negotiables!” When I asked Nick what the most important thing was to him, I was waiting for him to respond “Nothing’s more important than just standing next to you, making you my wife” but I got…
“Top Shelf Open Bar!” Go figure!
I was waiting for him to ask me, and I waited, and waited…and then I volunteered my non-negotiable: kids. Anyone who knows me will tell you, I LOVE KIDS, I can’t wait to have kids! When I’m in the checkout line at the store, I’m usually the one playing peek a boo with the stranger’s baby in front of me. I’m the friend who tells all my friends to call me to babysit ANYTIME, and I’m one of the few that actually means it! But…do I really want to have kids at my wedding?
We had a housewarming party back in March. I had invited a very dear, close friend of mine who has a little girl. Although we really didn’t have kids coming, I told her she could bring her daughter; I knew she had a long drive and didn’t want to inconvenience her more! To my surprise she actually responded, “Oh no! I love her but I’ll be happy to get a babysitter, I need some grown up time!” Of course we have other friends and family members with kids, they may or may not feel the same way, but I’d like to have our wedding Adults Only (18+) with the exception of our junior flower girl (Nick’s little sister) and our flower girl(s)
My reasons are
- I want our friends and family to be able to relax, have some adult beverages, get out on the dance floor, and not have to worry about getting their kids home to bed at a certain time
- Let’s face it, kids are unpredictable, you might have a baby crying during the ceremony, kids running around all the tables at the reception, or worse…you might have a high schooler request some Miley Cyrus to the DJ and have those mental images (as well as captured by your photographer/videographer) stuck in your head of your little cousin “twerking” for the rest of your life! (those high school kids can be just as unpredictable!)
- As we grow older, our friends are becoming parents, and eventually we will too. We will then have the next 18+ years of birthday parties, and soccer games, and cheerleading, and girl/boy scouts keeping us busy. This might be one of our last chances in a while for ALL our friends to be together and well, we can’t act like kids if their kids are there!!! It’ll set a bad example!
I just figured that we’ll put something like “Adults Only” on the invitation, but what I learned after my wedding planning research, Don’t Do That! Well, at least not according to proper etiquette!
David Tutera says: “This is a touchy subject, but an understandable one for those who want an adult reception. While there is no way to word this on your printed materials, it is commonly accepted etiquette that only those names that appear on the inner envelope of your invitation are invited. If you feel that this will not work for your guests, you can delicately convey this decision to them through your bridal party or word of mouth.”
If a guest responds anyway, adding their child’s name to the response card, Magnet Street Invitations came up with a pretty clever response: Hi Jane, Thank you for the RSVP! We noticed that you added little Jack to your response. In order to keep the seating capacity below the maximum for our venue, we unfortunately are not able to invite Jack to our wedding. We apologize for the miscommunication! We hope you will still be able to join us on our wedding day. We’d love to have you there!
I also kind of like this response card on their website, it has a place for YOU to write in the “Invited Guests” names
How do you feel about kids at your wedding?